Back Inside: Summer movie mayhem (Part IV: A New Hope)

So, now that summer's over and the crushing burden of school is upon us, we in the business of making grandiose, pretentious statements about movies like to do a little retrospective of all the hits (and misses) of the past summer.

June:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PG-13): So, school's over and now it's time for the annual forget everything you learned this past school year ritual. What better to accomplish this (and kill a couple of brain cells while we're at it) than to go out and watch Michael Bay's latest "epic." Transformers 2 has the dubious honor of being this summer's flat out worst movie, even worse than G.I.-Let's chuck the director out of the editing room because the test screenings said it sucked-Joe. Revenge of the Fallen manages to make even its action sequences boring by being loud, too stupid and too um stupid.

July:

Public Enemies (R): If Michael Mann had just renamed this movie Badass: The Film, it would have gotten so much more box office revenue. As it stands, this quasi-biopic, digitally filmed action flick is pretty decent. Depp gives Dillenger a lot of depth, despite the limited amount of history we're given on screen, and Bale isn't nearly as bad as he was in Terminator Salvation. That being said, there's no real message, drama or character development in the flick, so those looking for the next Oscar winning Michael Mann flick need not apply.

Bruno (R): It has a dancing, talking, uncensored penis. That's all you need to know. Oh yeah and it's not as good as Borat.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (PG): Easily one of the best shot films of the year, HP6 is a beautiful film, with sweeping shots of Hogwarts and hands down the best Quidditch sequence ever shot. Other than that, the acting is decent, the story still confusing as shit to anyone who doesn't read the books and the CG still very damn good. The whole romance subplot is, surprisingly, handled really well, without any of those cringe-inducing moments from Twilight.

August:

District 9 (R): Treated as a spectacle or a sci-fi film, District 9 is great. The action is tight and shot very well and the effects are really really good. More problematic is its attempt at social commentary which, sadly, does not go further than grunting, "Huh... Apartheid bad... I spit on you," and gets completely forgotten after the mind blowing, action packed finale. Sharlto Copey provides a great performance as the lead character, with the other cast members also turning in decent performances. The one thing that is really commendable about the film is its huge, massive balls. Rarely does a summer flick have the balls to make their main character a completely unlikable dickhead and end on a completely ambiguous note.

Inglourious Basterds (R): The best film of the summer, Quentin Tarantino's Spaghetti-Western World War II flick is by turns funny, suspenseful, sad, deep and powerful. Excellent performances from the entire cast, including a spell-binding, Oscar smelling performance by Christoph Waltz, and a wicked sense of pacing and humor make Basterds incredibly entertaining. After the pacing disaster that was Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Death Proof, it's nice to see Tarantino make a film that consists mostly of subtitled dialogue and talking into one of the most suspenseful, well-paced films of the year.

Ambiguous release dates:

The Hurt Locker (R): Yeah it's pretty good.

(500) Days of Summer (PG-13): If it weren't for the ending, it would have been the best romantic comedy ever (true fact). This daring romcom throws the established romcom plot structure out the window and is all the better for it. The film feels fresh, a mostly original film in the stale romcom market, making audiences feel more elated, depressed and humored than any other romcom in recent memory. Too bad the ending had to ruin the entire tone of the film.

In the Loop (R): If the sound of American, British and Scottish people yelling and cursing at each other at the top of their lungs doesn't sound appealing to you, GTFO. Really, this review is unnecessary. So instead, here's a list of choice quotes from the flick: "It's difficult... difficult... lemon difficult," "I will rip off your head and shit down your neck," "You are, by far, the most boring fuck... Oh, I'm sorry you don't approve of swearing. Well, you are a boring f...star...star...CUNT!"

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

A Night of Spades

So today, The Raconteur, Dzi, Peter and I did some malicious stuff with spades. We turned a store into our graffiti studio, we mugged a baby and stole its lollipop, and we made fun of grossly obese people tripping over cracks.

All of the above, by the way, it totally true false.

We had two epic games of Spades- Peter and I on one team; The Raconteur and Dzi on the other. The first round found us in a limbo before Peter and I defeated the other team 503 to 502. The second round found Peter and me tragically burning to hell, losing with by 200.

Self referential irony (Mitah Obama, I can haz riter nao?)

There once was a man from Vancouver
who needed to find some good teacher letters
He searched high and low but to no avail
Every teacher he met gave him a fail
So he packed up his bag and wrote on this blog, to bitch about all the haters

Mid-summer update

We return after a hiatus of close to two months to announce that we are all still alive and well; well, alive, anyway. A crapload of important work, though, has unfortunately rendered us too lazy to post. Perhaps when school starts we will feel more motivated to procrastinate on our homework by posting again.

Crossword Complaints

We return today with no comments, just complaints. Both the Washington Post and NYT crosswords pissed me off today. Stupid words, stupid clues. It might also help if I didn't misread a variety of clues.

Twitter, superfluous?

Who needs twitter when there's gtalk? It just occurs to me that my gtalk stati are generally broken into short 140 character or less chunks that describe what I am doing right now.

Words of Wisdom

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity. ~Graham Chapman

Who hasn't felt like this at least once?

"I want to get my orthodontist a present. Something nice, something that says 'my hate for you burns like the fire of a thousand suns; I will hack off your balls with wire cutters you moneysucking dipshit.'"

--Emily Jones

Make Every Day a Tuesday! It's Ac Fact--June 2, 2009

Today's It's Academic fact can be more science-y, since science bowl tryouts were today as well. And they stole our fourth A-team member. Not good. So, today's fact: The first nuclear powered submarine was named the Nautilus, named after the marine cephalopod. It was commisioned in 1952 and was launched in 1954. The one who supervised the construction was Admiral Rickover. Nautilus is the official state ship of Connecticut and was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1982.

Hey, I almost liked this one!

Washington Post 5/30
And why did I like it?
31A "Type of computer port" --> USB
57A "'Novum Organum' author" --> Sir Francis Bacon (It's Ac guy)
Also fun names like Khachaturian.
Did not like 31D "___-daisy!" because a) its outdated, and b) it should be "OOPSY," not "UPSY."
Oh, and I thought the phrase was "sick as A CAT," not 26A "A DOG." Horrible Histories told me so. Therefore this crossword lies!

OK. I promise to stop boring you now. More may follow Monday.

Song--May 29,2009

Yargh. Stressful time. So many projects still to do and worry about before school is out. So many petty dramas making me feel tired and old. This song is how I unwind:



Anna Rose by Vienna Teng just may be one of the most soothing songs I've ever heard. In any case, whenever I'm particularly stressed, this is the one I put on. Vienna's voice is perfect for this song, and the lyrics are adorable. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the song.

Crossword Complaints

First in what may become a series.

Washington Post 5/29
So the overall clue was "Mixed Green Salad," which turned out to mean that the four long clues were anagrams of "GREEN SALAD," with the center across word reading "ANAGRAM." It was, shall we say, annoying. Although I did like 28D "Lee at Appomattox." Figure out the answer for yourself. This is also an It's Ac fact. :P
Um. A bunch of clues that took me forever to get, and about 5 which I will admit Googling. Proud to know 42A "Get Yer ___ Out (1970 Stones album)," but that's because I'm an old music junkie like that.

BTW, don't expect complete crossword pictures, because I do these on good old-fashioned newspaper. With a pen.
And I'm too lazy to scan.

EDIT: Hey, look, you can do the crossword for yourself!
Online
Print it out

Youtube Notables: Elton John and Musical Acts!

There's nothing more time-consuming than surfing Youtube. Here are some interesting videos:

Who doesn't enjoy Elton John? His music is awesome, he's a Knight Bachelor, and he's still standing!


The next thing that caught my attention is actually a clever and applaudable rendition of Maxwell's Silver Hammer by The Beatles. The act was performed by many of our own Magnet students during the 2009 Magnet Arts Night.


And here's Newground's animation of the same song: Caution! Not for the faint of heart xD

I've Been Getting Lazy...

Yeah, so I haven't been posting music features or It's Academic facts after I got back. I think I'll make the music a weekly/monthly thing instead of daily so I don't run out of songs too quickly. And there's that huge mound of homework staring at me angrily for procrastinating... *shifty eyes* As for the It's Academic facts, Eliz and I will work something out.

Set These Birds Free

Red-tailed Hawks should not be allowed to be kept in a shack that serves as a poor excuse of an aviary, in a small cage where they can barely fly for a few feet and their perch is situated such that they can barely even stand up straight.

Allow me to explain. Over Memorial Day weekend I went up to Garrett County. I went to Deep Creek Lake state park. We walked around for a bit. Then I saw a sign that said "Aviary." Now, as anyone who has been around me for about a day has no doubt picked up, I really, really like birds. So of course I ran towards that sign to see what that aviary was like. Lo and behold...we saw a tiny, rude hut. Extending from it were two tiny enclosements for holding birds, much like the ones you see at a zoo's bird house except much, much smaller. And within one of them, barely moving, stood not one but two hawks, standing in their miserable dwelling as if in a torpor. The fenced walls were littered with bits of fluff and down, as if the birds had thrown themselves against the walls in repeated, futile efforts to escape.

How can any animal, let alone ones as majestic as the hawks, be kept in such horrid conditions? In a state park, no less? Hawks deserve to be free. If this isn't animal cruelty, then I don't know what is.

(Note: I took pictures. They may be added, if I can figure out how to get them off my phone.)

Back Inside: Dick Waving Contest Edition

"Terminator Salvation" marks the intersection of two very... interesting things. On the one hand we have the "Terminator" franchise known for its Governator, deep sci-fi story and nerdy fanboys. Of late, the series has been through some rough times with its third installment (or perhaps better known as the not James Cameron or not good installment) that failed to deliver the three bucket loads of cash the good people at Warner Brothers expected it to (instead choosing to deliver 2) and so we have a completely new take on the franchise, oddly though retaining the same two scriptwriters from "Terminator 3."

On the other hand, we have the mad Irish, dick-waving-contest challenging McG, named so because his real name wasn't manly enough so he had to overcompensate (though the name probably wasn't the only thing he was compensating for). Fresh off of butcher beloved 70s franchise "Charlie's Angels," McG decides to shove his one eyed monster into the supple flesh of the "Terminator" franchise. The result? A resounding eh.

Those of us expecting a good "Terminator" flick will find the film appalling. The writers, who shouldn't be back (see what I did there?), decide to one up themselves over the previous installment by giving us an even more ridiculous script. Whoever thought that "So this is what death tastes like" was a good idea deserves to be shot. McG and Christian Bale also deserve similar retribution for saying the film actually had a decent script.

On top of bad dialogue and bad story, we have some of the worst acting to have ever graced the cinemas since 2008's "Meet the Spartans." A robotic, permanently Batman-rasping Christian Bale is actually one of the better performances we're given from an ensemble cast consisting of Ms. I'm dying of cancer but I'm really Skynet, Mr. I also have name issues so I'll use a common noun instead, Ms. I have make up and Mr. Stay alive in your heart. The only person to do a decent acting job is Sam Worthington as the horribly scripted "Moore-cus Right," a man with a dark secret crucially essential to the suspense in the story that's promptly revealed 2 minutes into the bloody trailer.

If you can over these aspects, which many of you probably won't, you'll find a competently -- nay, well shot -- action flick with good imagery and amazing special effects. The most amazing part of the visual aesthetics is how understated all of the visual trickery is. Normally in summer action flicks, the glittering CGI usually is very in your face. After all, which studio wouldn't want to wave the expensive multi-million dollar CGI work in the audience's face. But, after watching about 6 Michael Bay Films, the once cool CGI gets obnoxious and we want more real-life action instead of fake, computer-synthesized explosions. To this end, "Terminator Salvation's" special effects and visual trickery all hang in the background, second to the horrid acting and dialogue. One thing they absolutely named is the color palette. Not just gray and white, we have dark black, reddish skies and blue tech factories. Not only that, but McG proves that he does know his cinematography by nailing the pacing and camera work for the action sequences. Also nice are the continuous take, Children of Men-esqe, set pieces. One particularly memorable scene was the first helicopter crash and Terminator take down which throughout focused on Christian Bale dicking up his copter and machine gun turret, not on the nuclear explosion, giant sky-ship of doom or doomed people outside.

So, yes the script and acting are both absolutely putrid, but we have entertaining and well-executed action sequences, which partially make up for the price of admission. Whether or not this movie is for you really depends on two things: how much you of a "Terminator" fanboy you are and how much of a pretentious movie prick you are. More unsophisticated audiences will really find a lot to enjoy with "Terminator" while people looking for story and deep characters won't.

Recommended for: Action junkies, People willing to look past the shitty script and acting
Not recommended for: "Terminator" fans, People who like good movies

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

No new music for a few days

Going on vacation. Probably won't have access to the intarweb. Sorry.

It's Academic Fact--May 22, 2009

Elizabeth is out for the weekend, so I'm doing today's fact as well. She requested that it be about a platypus or a cricket. So, I'm going to see if I can make it about both!

....

Okay, this phails with a ph. Fact of the day: Platypuses are born with spurs on their ankles, but only the males keep them can produce poison. Crickets....do not. There. Both incorporated!

May 21, 2009--No Song Today

Too tired, and there's a genetics exam tomorrow. Sorry.

It's Academic Fact--May 21, 2009

If there's a biology choice question, chances are the answer is either grasshopper or earthworm.