The best way to use a Promethean Board, ever

Is to use it to play Super Smash Brothers Brawl on it with Mr. Pham and Mr. Ostrander watching in a chemistry room smelling of burnt stuff. 'Nuff said.

Also:
http://parentscoalitionmc.blogspot.com/2009/09/abc-7-news-caught-on-tape-kennedy-high.html

Dear Siemens and College Board:

You guys SUCK.

This message brought to you by your local Stressed out Senior

Bathrooms, a review

So, moseying down Blair Blvd during Digital Art with a full bladder today, I was reminded of one of the reasons why Blair is crappy: the bathrooms suck. Yes, the main boy's bathroom by the main office has only two stalls -- one of them was occupied and the other one had both a busted door and no toilet paper. So, this crappy bathroom led me to revisit all the bathrooms (male at least) at Blair and rank these cause this sure beats doing math homework.

1. 310s Bathroom: It's usually cleanish and somewhat well supplied. Points off for not having one of those cool sensor based flushing things for the urinals and sink. Also one of the faucets is usually broken. Also, it's the home of the infamous "Did you masturbate in here?" poll.
2. 210s Bathroom: Again it ain't half bad. Notable for being the only bathroom with both sensors AND a relatively clean track record.
3. TIE: 350s/250s Bathroom: Points get knocked off the 250s bathroom for being lock most of the damn time. Both are usually marked up and jacked up though it isn't too bad. 350s restrooms get points off for not having those sensors (why no sensor love on the third floor? actually don't answer that).
4. Main office: Hey, the door might be busted and the toilet paper might be chronically low but at least if it floods the main office will notice lickedy-split and fix the issue... right?
5. THE LOSER: 160s Bathroom: God damn. Not only is this the dirtiest bathroom in the school (apparently most male Blazers have shitty aim) but it's also chronically under supplied both toilet paper and paper towel wise.

Musings

I walk outside into the cold, black air. Tonight is one of those nights where the darkness is particularly thick. The stale fluorescent light from the streetlamps and the cold light of the moon collapse in on themselves. I step into the sphere of one of the lamps, and the light floods jarringly through my eyes. It is as if I am in a dream, in a daze; I must focus hard to remind myself where to step and where to go. I am like the moth, mesmerized by a candle, about to get burned. And oddly enough, though I did not enjoy the light, once I step out I do not enjoy the dark anymore either. Where do I belong, if neither the light nor the dark is for me?

Seasonal colds

Is it just me or is everyone suddenly getting very sick very fast? The day after I pulled an almost all-nighter, I got this really bad cough and headache. Similarly, a lot of others I've talked to also have gotten sudden coughs etc. Some have even reported have temperatures OVER 9000 degrees (not really).

In other news, CHICKEN BUTT. That's a capital B, U, T, T. Get that right. (It'll be on the quiz, Period 4).

Picture of the (insert inordinate amount of time)

This is pretty epic right here (and self explanatory):
















Credit goes towards DominicFear, the creator of The Lazer Collection 3
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3ZYF-Zmo2E)

Speaking of college apps....

No, we weren't, but you just shuddered, didn't you?

Remember UMD and that November 1st deadline. Get college transcript requests by October 1.

Don't fail.

This has been a public service message brought to you by the society of Stressed Out Seniors (SOS).

Song of the Indefinite Time Period (which we will call the Goehring Unit)--9/23/09

So, when you're a responsible teenager (pfft, as if such a thing exists) and you have a huge, huge paper due in a few days, as well as a nice essay that may (but most likely won't) help you get a mere pittance of a scholarship, as well as forms to turn in and recommendations to secure, and everything must be done on pretty much the same day, which is about a week away, and you also have way too much homework to do in between (including a project or two that count for a substantial portion of your grade in that class), what do you do? Procrastinate, of course! By writing an inconsequential blog post with an overly long title and an even longer first sentence. A sentence so huge that undoubtedly if any former English teacher of mine is reading this, she must be weeping at its poor construction.

But I digress. I present to you, the first song recommendation of the school year, and probably the only one for a while to go. Now, once again, this song is one that must be described as relaxing. And if you think I pick too many of those, what did you expect? I actually wasn't exaggerating in the first sentence. Luckily this song is like a massage for the mind; it really helps to force out stress.

And so, before I go on even more tangents, I present to you the Green Island Serenade, sung by Vienna Teng. It's in Chinese, yes, but it is a lovely song nonetheless. And personally I find Vienna Teng's version particularly lovely. Traditionally Chinese songs tend to feature female vocals with exaggeratedly sweet voices, but Vienna's gentle, soothing voice really just fits this song much better.



Lyrics:

这绿岛像一只船
在月夜里摇呀摇

姑娘哟妳也在我的
心海里飘呀飘

让我的歌声随那微风
吹开了妳的窗帘

让我的衷情随那流水
不断地向妳倾诉

椰子树的长影
掩不住我的情意

明媚的月光
更照亮了我的心

这绿岛的夜已经
这样沉静

姑娘哟妳为什么
还是默默无语

Translation:
This green island, is like a boat
meandering through the moonlight.

Darling, you are
floating in the ocean of my heart.

Let the melody of my song follow the breeze,
blowing through your curtains.

Let my love go with the flowing water,
serenading you.

The coconut tree's long shadow
cannot hide my gentle love.

The clear bright moonlight
brightens my heart.

This green island night
appears so peaceful.

Darling, why are you
still silent?

Unfortunately, I think the English translation doesn't quite do the original lyrics justice. But that's life, I guess. There's actually an interesting story behind this lovely song, but I think this post is probably long enough. If you're interested, it can be found here: (link)

Until next time, then, dears!

On lief arbitur

Holy cannoli Batman, we passed AYP!
Now those Blair admins will be filled with glee!
So instead of some hate, we get filled with cake;
Though not if you're Eric and got f**ked by a rake.
All we need to do now is to wear our "ID, ID, IDeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Go Away Flu

Everyone's falling ill at some point this past week!! It's outrageous. If we actually measured happiness in this world, I'm sure this would be the Great Depression of 2009 (WOW it's 2009 and in a year we're graduating. Damn.)

Seriously folk, the CDC doesn't exist for no reason (though its budget might speak otherwise). Here's just a few tips they suggest:

• "Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it." (Tissue = very important)
  
• "Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective."
• "Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way."
• "Stay home if you get sick." Be misanthropic and STAY HOME.
  

Don't be an incubator for disease!

Source: http://www.cdc.gov/

Montgomery Blair and the Deathly Standardized Tests

So, this past week in the wonderful world of standardized testing at MBHS:

• AP test scores from the 2009 AP Tests are being analyzed by some administrators
• PSAT registration for all those unlucky juniors has begun
• "College prep" talks from guidance counselors about standardized tests for seniors are over
• Blair has 53 National Merit Semi-finalists (46 of them Magnet)
• 8th graders wanting to get into the Blair Magnet have probably started losing 40% of their hope
• 12th graders trying to get into a top 10 college are probably prepping a large dose of sleeping pills... just in case
• SAT registration for October be ovar.

Isn't the College Board just wonderful.

Some helpful words of wisdom...

...from our good friend Gunnery Sergeant Hartman:

"Holy dog shit. Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?"



And remember kids, keep your eyes on the ball and have fun out there!

Back Inside: Summer movie mayhem (Part IV: A New Hope)

So, now that summer's over and the crushing burden of school is upon us, we in the business of making grandiose, pretentious statements about movies like to do a little retrospective of all the hits (and misses) of the past summer.

June:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PG-13): So, school's over and now it's time for the annual forget everything you learned this past school year ritual. What better to accomplish this (and kill a couple of brain cells while we're at it) than to go out and watch Michael Bay's latest "epic." Transformers 2 has the dubious honor of being this summer's flat out worst movie, even worse than G.I.-Let's chuck the director out of the editing room because the test screenings said it sucked-Joe. Revenge of the Fallen manages to make even its action sequences boring by being loud, too stupid and too um stupid.

July:

Public Enemies (R): If Michael Mann had just renamed this movie Badass: The Film, it would have gotten so much more box office revenue. As it stands, this quasi-biopic, digitally filmed action flick is pretty decent. Depp gives Dillenger a lot of depth, despite the limited amount of history we're given on screen, and Bale isn't nearly as bad as he was in Terminator Salvation. That being said, there's no real message, drama or character development in the flick, so those looking for the next Oscar winning Michael Mann flick need not apply.

Bruno (R): It has a dancing, talking, uncensored penis. That's all you need to know. Oh yeah and it's not as good as Borat.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (PG): Easily one of the best shot films of the year, HP6 is a beautiful film, with sweeping shots of Hogwarts and hands down the best Quidditch sequence ever shot. Other than that, the acting is decent, the story still confusing as shit to anyone who doesn't read the books and the CG still very damn good. The whole romance subplot is, surprisingly, handled really well, without any of those cringe-inducing moments from Twilight.

August:

District 9 (R): Treated as a spectacle or a sci-fi film, District 9 is great. The action is tight and shot very well and the effects are really really good. More problematic is its attempt at social commentary which, sadly, does not go further than grunting, "Huh... Apartheid bad... I spit on you," and gets completely forgotten after the mind blowing, action packed finale. Sharlto Copey provides a great performance as the lead character, with the other cast members also turning in decent performances. The one thing that is really commendable about the film is its huge, massive balls. Rarely does a summer flick have the balls to make their main character a completely unlikable dickhead and end on a completely ambiguous note.

Inglourious Basterds (R): The best film of the summer, Quentin Tarantino's Spaghetti-Western World War II flick is by turns funny, suspenseful, sad, deep and powerful. Excellent performances from the entire cast, including a spell-binding, Oscar smelling performance by Christoph Waltz, and a wicked sense of pacing and humor make Basterds incredibly entertaining. After the pacing disaster that was Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Death Proof, it's nice to see Tarantino make a film that consists mostly of subtitled dialogue and talking into one of the most suspenseful, well-paced films of the year.

Ambiguous release dates:

The Hurt Locker (R): Yeah it's pretty good.

(500) Days of Summer (PG-13): If it weren't for the ending, it would have been the best romantic comedy ever (true fact). This daring romcom throws the established romcom plot structure out the window and is all the better for it. The film feels fresh, a mostly original film in the stale romcom market, making audiences feel more elated, depressed and humored than any other romcom in recent memory. Too bad the ending had to ruin the entire tone of the film.

In the Loop (R): If the sound of American, British and Scottish people yelling and cursing at each other at the top of their lungs doesn't sound appealing to you, GTFO. Really, this review is unnecessary. So instead, here's a list of choice quotes from the flick: "It's difficult... difficult... lemon difficult," "I will rip off your head and shit down your neck," "You are, by far, the most boring fuck... Oh, I'm sorry you don't approve of swearing. Well, you are a boring f...star...star...CUNT!"

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

A Night of Spades

So today, The Raconteur, Dzi, Peter and I did some malicious stuff with spades. We turned a store into our graffiti studio, we mugged a baby and stole its lollipop, and we made fun of grossly obese people tripping over cracks.

All of the above, by the way, it totally true false.

We had two epic games of Spades- Peter and I on one team; The Raconteur and Dzi on the other. The first round found us in a limbo before Peter and I defeated the other team 503 to 502. The second round found Peter and me tragically burning to hell, losing with by 200.

Self referential irony (Mitah Obama, I can haz riter nao?)

There once was a man from Vancouver
who needed to find some good teacher letters
He searched high and low but to no avail
Every teacher he met gave him a fail
So he packed up his bag and wrote on this blog, to bitch about all the haters