One more pet

Don't forget the goose:

More Pets of the Blog: Bunnies

The bunnies are very sad about being left out. 

You don't leave out the rabbits, ok?

Back Inside: Porn Stars Strike Back

What do you get when you blend pretentious movie-making with the values of an arthouse theater, add a dash of rich people and smother with a porn star as the lead? If you ask me, you get some excrement covered in blood and semen. If you ask Steven Soderbergh, apparently, you get "The Girlfriend Experience," proudly continuing Soderbergh's legacy of occasionally dropping all the cocaine and hookers associated with the money generated by the Oceans series. The last time Mr. Soderbergh left the drugs and whores on the couch, he made "Bubble," an awkward little film about an awkward little murder and some awkward little people.

This time around, "The Girlfriend Experience" ditches any veneer of formal film making. Gone are properly lighted sets, numerous cameramen and a semblance of a coherent story. Instead, we get the lovely Ms. Sasha Gray, up and coming porn star extraordinaire, well known for... well use your imagination on screen. Wow, it's all starting to make sense now. She offered her "services" to Soderbergh a few times to convince him to give her the lead role in "The Girlfriend Experience."

That's not to suggest the acting is horrible. Rather, Gray is quite convincing in her role. It's just that the story is so incoherent and boring that it falls flat. Christ, what is the world coming to? When a movie about nuns is more captivating than a story about hookers in New York, you know we have a problem.

The best way to describe "The Girlfriend Experience" is not what distributor Magnolia Pictures decided to label the film. "The Girlfriend Experience" isn't a comedy, by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, it's more like a time capsule. Buried deep in the ankle-high flow of crappy independent films, to be uncovered years later by snotty people at a wine party, who'll chuckle at the "quaint" reminder of 2008 Soderbergh gave them.

Recommended for: Aspiring porn stars, hookers, drunken film directors
Not recommended for: People who earn less than $1,000,000 a year


Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

Pets of The Blog

To bring some life to the blog, here are some furry animals from a biota near you! (Yes, the floofy bunnies too.)

First, Элизабет's kitty Jo:


Second, Pheynix's DC squirrel Eliz:

Back Inside: To Boldy Go

Star Trek may just be the best popcorn movie ever made. No it's not a movie on the level of something like "The Godfather" or even last year's cultural phenomenon (a phrase reserved for by us in the industry of being pretentious jerks for movies that make more money than a maple syrup dealer in a lumberjack camp) "The Dark Knight." No, the movie won't make you cry (unless you're a Trekkie or Trekker). Nor will it cause you to think on a deep, philosophical level. No, this movie doesn't (and shouldn't) do any of the above. What "Star Trek" will make you do is high five everyone in the theater when the credits roll.

Everything about the film oozes charm and wit that it's impossible to hate the story for the mind-fuckery that is its time travel plot and the constant lens flare (J.J. Abrams, you owe me sunglasses. And new retinas). Chris Pine is Kirk, Zachary Quinto is Spock, Simon Pegg is Scotty and Karl Urban totally owns Leonard "Bones" McCoy. The CGI found in the film is awe-inspiring at times, not just because of their technical mastery but also because of its poetic beauty. Certain scenes stand out as being breathtaking: the female federation character getting blasted out of a compartment and into space. The harrowing space jump undertaken by Kirk, Sulu (John Cho) and Redshirt McHillbilly. The first moment we see the U.S.S. Enterprise in all her glory. And then there's the little details. The whining noise made when characters teleport back into the Enterprise. The beeping and noises caused by the various electronics operating within the ship.

The list of things the movie absolutely nails goes on and on. But what most people weren't expecting from a Star Trek adaptation was the phenomenal humor. Most of the audience was in pieces during the Kobayashi Maru test and the bloated hands sequence. Bones is easily the funniest character in the film, with Scotty coming in second. There's something inherently, almost disturbingly funny about watching a psychotic bipolar doctor spout out one liners on a ship. Or rather on a boat. In space. Motherfucker.

Recommended for: People who enjoy humor, wit and charm
Not recommended for: Hardcore Trekkies, people who laugh only once a millennia

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.