Back Inside: Finding where the wild things were

Spike Jonze has created one of the most polarizing films of the year and I really liked it. 'Nuff said.

A note about Journalism

I would like to point out that any opinions Mr. Eric Wan has expressed on Silver Chips do not necessarily reflect the opinion of all those involved with this shiznits. For instance, "I like people?" C'mon Mr. Wan. You're breaking my balls here.

Bathrooms, a review

So, moseying down Blair Blvd during Digital Art with a full bladder today, I was reminded of one of the reasons why Blair is crappy: the bathrooms suck. Yes, the main boy's bathroom by the main office has only two stalls -- one of them was occupied and the other one had both a busted door and no toilet paper. So, this crappy bathroom led me to revisit all the bathrooms (male at least) at Blair and rank these cause this sure beats doing math homework.

1. 310s Bathroom: It's usually cleanish and somewhat well supplied. Points off for not having one of those cool sensor based flushing things for the urinals and sink. Also one of the faucets is usually broken. Also, it's the home of the infamous "Did you masturbate in here?" poll.
2. 210s Bathroom: Again it ain't half bad. Notable for being the only bathroom with both sensors AND a relatively clean track record.
3. TIE: 350s/250s Bathroom: Points get knocked off the 250s bathroom for being lock most of the damn time. Both are usually marked up and jacked up though it isn't too bad. 350s restrooms get points off for not having those sensors (why no sensor love on the third floor? actually don't answer that).
4. Main office: Hey, the door might be busted and the toilet paper might be chronically low but at least if it floods the main office will notice lickedy-split and fix the issue... right?
5. THE LOSER: 160s Bathroom: God damn. Not only is this the dirtiest bathroom in the school (apparently most male Blazers have shitty aim) but it's also chronically under supplied both toilet paper and paper towel wise.

Seasonal colds

Is it just me or is everyone suddenly getting very sick very fast? The day after I pulled an almost all-nighter, I got this really bad cough and headache. Similarly, a lot of others I've talked to also have gotten sudden coughs etc. Some have even reported have temperatures OVER 9000 degrees (not really).

In other news, CHICKEN BUTT. That's a capital B, U, T, T. Get that right. (It'll be on the quiz, Period 4).

Picture of the (insert inordinate amount of time)

This is pretty epic right here (and self explanatory):
















Credit goes towards DominicFear, the creator of The Lazer Collection 3
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3ZYF-Zmo2E)

Back Inside: Summer movie mayhem (Part IV: A New Hope)

So, now that summer's over and the crushing burden of school is upon us, we in the business of making grandiose, pretentious statements about movies like to do a little retrospective of all the hits (and misses) of the past summer.

June:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PG-13): So, school's over and now it's time for the annual forget everything you learned this past school year ritual. What better to accomplish this (and kill a couple of brain cells while we're at it) than to go out and watch Michael Bay's latest "epic." Transformers 2 has the dubious honor of being this summer's flat out worst movie, even worse than G.I.-Let's chuck the director out of the editing room because the test screenings said it sucked-Joe. Revenge of the Fallen manages to make even its action sequences boring by being loud, too stupid and too um stupid.

July:

Public Enemies (R): If Michael Mann had just renamed this movie Badass: The Film, it would have gotten so much more box office revenue. As it stands, this quasi-biopic, digitally filmed action flick is pretty decent. Depp gives Dillenger a lot of depth, despite the limited amount of history we're given on screen, and Bale isn't nearly as bad as he was in Terminator Salvation. That being said, there's no real message, drama or character development in the flick, so those looking for the next Oscar winning Michael Mann flick need not apply.

Bruno (R): It has a dancing, talking, uncensored penis. That's all you need to know. Oh yeah and it's not as good as Borat.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (PG): Easily one of the best shot films of the year, HP6 is a beautiful film, with sweeping shots of Hogwarts and hands down the best Quidditch sequence ever shot. Other than that, the acting is decent, the story still confusing as shit to anyone who doesn't read the books and the CG still very damn good. The whole romance subplot is, surprisingly, handled really well, without any of those cringe-inducing moments from Twilight.

August:

District 9 (R): Treated as a spectacle or a sci-fi film, District 9 is great. The action is tight and shot very well and the effects are really really good. More problematic is its attempt at social commentary which, sadly, does not go further than grunting, "Huh... Apartheid bad... I spit on you," and gets completely forgotten after the mind blowing, action packed finale. Sharlto Copey provides a great performance as the lead character, with the other cast members also turning in decent performances. The one thing that is really commendable about the film is its huge, massive balls. Rarely does a summer flick have the balls to make their main character a completely unlikable dickhead and end on a completely ambiguous note.

Inglourious Basterds (R): The best film of the summer, Quentin Tarantino's Spaghetti-Western World War II flick is by turns funny, suspenseful, sad, deep and powerful. Excellent performances from the entire cast, including a spell-binding, Oscar smelling performance by Christoph Waltz, and a wicked sense of pacing and humor make Basterds incredibly entertaining. After the pacing disaster that was Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Death Proof, it's nice to see Tarantino make a film that consists mostly of subtitled dialogue and talking into one of the most suspenseful, well-paced films of the year.

Ambiguous release dates:

The Hurt Locker (R): Yeah it's pretty good.

(500) Days of Summer (PG-13): If it weren't for the ending, it would have been the best romantic comedy ever (true fact). This daring romcom throws the established romcom plot structure out the window and is all the better for it. The film feels fresh, a mostly original film in the stale romcom market, making audiences feel more elated, depressed and humored than any other romcom in recent memory. Too bad the ending had to ruin the entire tone of the film.

In the Loop (R): If the sound of American, British and Scottish people yelling and cursing at each other at the top of their lungs doesn't sound appealing to you, GTFO. Really, this review is unnecessary. So instead, here's a list of choice quotes from the flick: "It's difficult... difficult... lemon difficult," "I will rip off your head and shit down your neck," "You are, by far, the most boring fuck... Oh, I'm sorry you don't approve of swearing. Well, you are a boring f...star...star...CUNT!"

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

Back Inside: Dick Waving Contest Edition

"Terminator Salvation" marks the intersection of two very... interesting things. On the one hand we have the "Terminator" franchise known for its Governator, deep sci-fi story and nerdy fanboys. Of late, the series has been through some rough times with its third installment (or perhaps better known as the not James Cameron or not good installment) that failed to deliver the three bucket loads of cash the good people at Warner Brothers expected it to (instead choosing to deliver 2) and so we have a completely new take on the franchise, oddly though retaining the same two scriptwriters from "Terminator 3."

On the other hand, we have the mad Irish, dick-waving-contest challenging McG, named so because his real name wasn't manly enough so he had to overcompensate (though the name probably wasn't the only thing he was compensating for). Fresh off of butcher beloved 70s franchise "Charlie's Angels," McG decides to shove his one eyed monster into the supple flesh of the "Terminator" franchise. The result? A resounding eh.

Those of us expecting a good "Terminator" flick will find the film appalling. The writers, who shouldn't be back (see what I did there?), decide to one up themselves over the previous installment by giving us an even more ridiculous script. Whoever thought that "So this is what death tastes like" was a good idea deserves to be shot. McG and Christian Bale also deserve similar retribution for saying the film actually had a decent script.

On top of bad dialogue and bad story, we have some of the worst acting to have ever graced the cinemas since 2008's "Meet the Spartans." A robotic, permanently Batman-rasping Christian Bale is actually one of the better performances we're given from an ensemble cast consisting of Ms. I'm dying of cancer but I'm really Skynet, Mr. I also have name issues so I'll use a common noun instead, Ms. I have make up and Mr. Stay alive in your heart. The only person to do a decent acting job is Sam Worthington as the horribly scripted "Moore-cus Right," a man with a dark secret crucially essential to the suspense in the story that's promptly revealed 2 minutes into the bloody trailer.

If you can over these aspects, which many of you probably won't, you'll find a competently -- nay, well shot -- action flick with good imagery and amazing special effects. The most amazing part of the visual aesthetics is how understated all of the visual trickery is. Normally in summer action flicks, the glittering CGI usually is very in your face. After all, which studio wouldn't want to wave the expensive multi-million dollar CGI work in the audience's face. But, after watching about 6 Michael Bay Films, the once cool CGI gets obnoxious and we want more real-life action instead of fake, computer-synthesized explosions. To this end, "Terminator Salvation's" special effects and visual trickery all hang in the background, second to the horrid acting and dialogue. One thing they absolutely named is the color palette. Not just gray and white, we have dark black, reddish skies and blue tech factories. Not only that, but McG proves that he does know his cinematography by nailing the pacing and camera work for the action sequences. Also nice are the continuous take, Children of Men-esqe, set pieces. One particularly memorable scene was the first helicopter crash and Terminator take down which throughout focused on Christian Bale dicking up his copter and machine gun turret, not on the nuclear explosion, giant sky-ship of doom or doomed people outside.

So, yes the script and acting are both absolutely putrid, but we have entertaining and well-executed action sequences, which partially make up for the price of admission. Whether or not this movie is for you really depends on two things: how much you of a "Terminator" fanboy you are and how much of a pretentious movie prick you are. More unsophisticated audiences will really find a lot to enjoy with "Terminator" while people looking for story and deep characters won't.

Recommended for: Action junkies, People willing to look past the shitty script and acting
Not recommended for: "Terminator" fans, People who like good movies

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

We Didn't Start the Flame War

In response to the "We Didn't Start the Fire" video posted yesterday:

Back Inside: DAMNIT!

After terrorizing the citizens of Los Angeles for roughly 6 years, the jerks behind 24 decided to mix things up a bit and set Jack Bauer's latest killing spree in Washington, D.C. Cool right? No! Wrong! Thanks a lot Fox. Now I can't get into a bloody Metro without checking every door for a bio-weapon canister with an uncanny resemblance to morning wood or step into an airplane for fear of having a mad, goatee wearing backstabber blow it up.

Washingtonian-terrorizing aside, season 7 has been, in the kindest words, a mixed bag. But since I'm not the type to suck a television show's metaphorical genitals (I leave that to the professionals), I'm going to go out and say season 7 was the visual equivalent of having someone fart into your mouth while you're asleep. That doesn't mean this is the worst season of 24 ever (that dubious honor goes to the sixth season which introduced Jack Bauer's family... filled with terrorists), but it's a damn close second, disappointing given the incredibly long time in between seasons.

What every season of 24, so far, has been able to do is to pull off a good season finale (even season 6's was pretty good). With the expectations sky high and about ninety-billion plot threads to tie up (and that's a conservative estimate), does 24 deliver? In short: no. In long: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

While I wouldn't say the season finale was complete shit, it didn't hold up to the tradition of 24 seasons at least ending strong. What we did get were a couple competent action sequences, some shoe-horned messages, some really shoe-horned messages and some inexplicable plot developments. I won't say plot twists because, save for 2 of them, all of these story elements were predictable as President Bush's 2008 approval ratings.

The one of the two "plot twists" was so mind-numbingly retarded that I won't even go into details. The other was fairly surprising to me: Kim Bauer (Elisha Cuthbert) did something useful. Yes, it seems that after 7 fucking seasons, the producers of 24 finally give Kim something useful to do. That's right, no kimnapping, cougar scenes or whacked boyfriends.

The biggest offender in this episode was the ending. I feel insulted by the writers that they could actually make us believe that Jack could possibly die even though season 8 (set to start production in a mock NYC set in LA) has almost started filming. Anyone who didn't see the whole Jack getting un-diseased plot development coming should is either a gigantic tool or a complete idiot.

Recommended for: 24 fans

Not recommended for: 24 fans

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

Period 8 Origins

After all the seniors left, period 8 Origins of Science got a whole lot better. With only 6 juniors (and a few seniors tagging along for fun), the class gets more intimate and more tangential (only in a good way). Take today's class for instance: we had a 30 minute long discussion about how religion influenced the way we philosophically structured our life. The planned topic: Immanuel Kant. 

We are(n't) the champions...

8th period Origins vs. Discrete kickball didn't go so hot. We (Origins) started off badly, with getting only one person on base before Discrete got 3 people out. Then they proceeded to go on a 6 point streak (through two rounds of kicking) before we finally came back with 3 points. Then we managed to end their kicking round very fast, leading into our best round yet, giving us 8 to 6. Then they came back with a final score of 9 to 8 (though some Discrete people insist that it was 10 to 8). God damnit.

The Way I See It

AP hell week(s) might be over but the worst is far from over. In the coming weeks, we have Huck Finn essays due, SRP proposals and related work due and finals in non-AP classes. Summer this year, unlike many previous years, is about to become less fun: in addition to the work from last summer, we have to write college applications, start thinking about teacher recommendations, cram for some last minute SAT or ACT test taking all the while recharging from a horrible year of school.

Blogger no. 1 (I refuse to use the nouns "Nutters" and "Pheynix") wisely, for a change, pointed out, what's done is done. But, we aren't done with high school yet, not by a long stretch. And even then, after high school we get (at least) another four years of university (unless your immediate post-secondary education plans include McDonalds and the song "Ding, Fries are Done") and then adult life. As a wise man on the internet once pointed out, "Fuck."

Welcome!

So, after combing the internet for your next daily dose of LOLs, you've stumbled across our little blog. Either that or you haplessly clicked a link in one of our writer's G-Talk status. However you found "Nuts," welcome!

"Nuts," as the name suggests, is a blog designed by, and written by a collection of students with both too much time on their hands (time that could be probably better spent on more important stuff... like life) and the mental delirium necessary to foster and nurture this type of blog. The name "Nuts" actually has a deeper meaning than this but Wikipedia is far more eloquent on this subject than we are.

Posts consist of either random thoughts that contributors thought would be interesting (at least to themselves) or columns. Currently, we have four columns: "Back Inside" written by yours truly and eatYourOats, "It's Academic" daily trivia, "Song of the day" articles written by Diana and a series of animal articles looking at the adorable animals we love and they adore.

So, if we haven't scared you off yet, welcome to "Nuts." Enjoy your stay and please shut the door if you're the last one out. You with me so fah?

Back Inside: Porn Stars Strike Back

What do you get when you blend pretentious movie-making with the values of an arthouse theater, add a dash of rich people and smother with a porn star as the lead? If you ask me, you get some excrement covered in blood and semen. If you ask Steven Soderbergh, apparently, you get "The Girlfriend Experience," proudly continuing Soderbergh's legacy of occasionally dropping all the cocaine and hookers associated with the money generated by the Oceans series. The last time Mr. Soderbergh left the drugs and whores on the couch, he made "Bubble," an awkward little film about an awkward little murder and some awkward little people.

This time around, "The Girlfriend Experience" ditches any veneer of formal film making. Gone are properly lighted sets, numerous cameramen and a semblance of a coherent story. Instead, we get the lovely Ms. Sasha Gray, up and coming porn star extraordinaire, well known for... well use your imagination on screen. Wow, it's all starting to make sense now. She offered her "services" to Soderbergh a few times to convince him to give her the lead role in "The Girlfriend Experience."

That's not to suggest the acting is horrible. Rather, Gray is quite convincing in her role. It's just that the story is so incoherent and boring that it falls flat. Christ, what is the world coming to? When a movie about nuns is more captivating than a story about hookers in New York, you know we have a problem.

The best way to describe "The Girlfriend Experience" is not what distributor Magnolia Pictures decided to label the film. "The Girlfriend Experience" isn't a comedy, by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, it's more like a time capsule. Buried deep in the ankle-high flow of crappy independent films, to be uncovered years later by snotty people at a wine party, who'll chuckle at the "quaint" reminder of 2008 Soderbergh gave them.

Recommended for: Aspiring porn stars, hookers, drunken film directors
Not recommended for: People who earn less than $1,000,000 a year


Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

Back Inside: To Boldy Go

Star Trek may just be the best popcorn movie ever made. No it's not a movie on the level of something like "The Godfather" or even last year's cultural phenomenon (a phrase reserved for by us in the industry of being pretentious jerks for movies that make more money than a maple syrup dealer in a lumberjack camp) "The Dark Knight." No, the movie won't make you cry (unless you're a Trekkie or Trekker). Nor will it cause you to think on a deep, philosophical level. No, this movie doesn't (and shouldn't) do any of the above. What "Star Trek" will make you do is high five everyone in the theater when the credits roll.

Everything about the film oozes charm and wit that it's impossible to hate the story for the mind-fuckery that is its time travel plot and the constant lens flare (J.J. Abrams, you owe me sunglasses. And new retinas). Chris Pine is Kirk, Zachary Quinto is Spock, Simon Pegg is Scotty and Karl Urban totally owns Leonard "Bones" McCoy. The CGI found in the film is awe-inspiring at times, not just because of their technical mastery but also because of its poetic beauty. Certain scenes stand out as being breathtaking: the female federation character getting blasted out of a compartment and into space. The harrowing space jump undertaken by Kirk, Sulu (John Cho) and Redshirt McHillbilly. The first moment we see the U.S.S. Enterprise in all her glory. And then there's the little details. The whining noise made when characters teleport back into the Enterprise. The beeping and noises caused by the various electronics operating within the ship.

The list of things the movie absolutely nails goes on and on. But what most people weren't expecting from a Star Trek adaptation was the phenomenal humor. Most of the audience was in pieces during the Kobayashi Maru test and the bloated hands sequence. Bones is easily the funniest character in the film, with Scotty coming in second. There's something inherently, almost disturbingly funny about watching a psychotic bipolar doctor spout out one liners on a ship. Or rather on a boat. In space. Motherfucker.

Recommended for: People who enjoy humor, wit and charm
Not recommended for: Hardcore Trekkies, people who laugh only once a millennia

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.