Back Inside: Summer movie mayhem (Part IV: A New Hope)

So, now that summer's over and the crushing burden of school is upon us, we in the business of making grandiose, pretentious statements about movies like to do a little retrospective of all the hits (and misses) of the past summer.

June:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PG-13): So, school's over and now it's time for the annual forget everything you learned this past school year ritual. What better to accomplish this (and kill a couple of brain cells while we're at it) than to go out and watch Michael Bay's latest "epic." Transformers 2 has the dubious honor of being this summer's flat out worst movie, even worse than G.I.-Let's chuck the director out of the editing room because the test screenings said it sucked-Joe. Revenge of the Fallen manages to make even its action sequences boring by being loud, too stupid and too um stupid.

July:

Public Enemies (R): If Michael Mann had just renamed this movie Badass: The Film, it would have gotten so much more box office revenue. As it stands, this quasi-biopic, digitally filmed action flick is pretty decent. Depp gives Dillenger a lot of depth, despite the limited amount of history we're given on screen, and Bale isn't nearly as bad as he was in Terminator Salvation. That being said, there's no real message, drama or character development in the flick, so those looking for the next Oscar winning Michael Mann flick need not apply.

Bruno (R): It has a dancing, talking, uncensored penis. That's all you need to know. Oh yeah and it's not as good as Borat.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (PG): Easily one of the best shot films of the year, HP6 is a beautiful film, with sweeping shots of Hogwarts and hands down the best Quidditch sequence ever shot. Other than that, the acting is decent, the story still confusing as shit to anyone who doesn't read the books and the CG still very damn good. The whole romance subplot is, surprisingly, handled really well, without any of those cringe-inducing moments from Twilight.

August:

District 9 (R): Treated as a spectacle or a sci-fi film, District 9 is great. The action is tight and shot very well and the effects are really really good. More problematic is its attempt at social commentary which, sadly, does not go further than grunting, "Huh... Apartheid bad... I spit on you," and gets completely forgotten after the mind blowing, action packed finale. Sharlto Copey provides a great performance as the lead character, with the other cast members also turning in decent performances. The one thing that is really commendable about the film is its huge, massive balls. Rarely does a summer flick have the balls to make their main character a completely unlikable dickhead and end on a completely ambiguous note.

Inglourious Basterds (R): The best film of the summer, Quentin Tarantino's Spaghetti-Western World War II flick is by turns funny, suspenseful, sad, deep and powerful. Excellent performances from the entire cast, including a spell-binding, Oscar smelling performance by Christoph Waltz, and a wicked sense of pacing and humor make Basterds incredibly entertaining. After the pacing disaster that was Kill Bill Vol. 2 and Death Proof, it's nice to see Tarantino make a film that consists mostly of subtitled dialogue and talking into one of the most suspenseful, well-paced films of the year.

Ambiguous release dates:

The Hurt Locker (R): Yeah it's pretty good.

(500) Days of Summer (PG-13): If it weren't for the ending, it would have been the best romantic comedy ever (true fact). This daring romcom throws the established romcom plot structure out the window and is all the better for it. The film feels fresh, a mostly original film in the stale romcom market, making audiences feel more elated, depressed and humored than any other romcom in recent memory. Too bad the ending had to ruin the entire tone of the film.

In the Loop (R): If the sound of American, British and Scottish people yelling and cursing at each other at the top of their lungs doesn't sound appealing to you, GTFO. Really, this review is unnecessary. So instead, here's a list of choice quotes from the flick: "It's difficult... difficult... lemon difficult," "I will rip off your head and shit down your neck," "You are, by far, the most boring fuck... Oh, I'm sorry you don't approve of swearing. Well, you are a boring f...star...star...CUNT!"

Back Inside is a column written by The Raconteur and eatYourOats, discussing the quality of movies and television shows now in theaters or on your television.

A Night of Spades

So today, The Raconteur, Dzi, Peter and I did some malicious stuff with spades. We turned a store into our graffiti studio, we mugged a baby and stole its lollipop, and we made fun of grossly obese people tripping over cracks.

All of the above, by the way, it totally true false.

We had two epic games of Spades- Peter and I on one team; The Raconteur and Dzi on the other. The first round found us in a limbo before Peter and I defeated the other team 503 to 502. The second round found Peter and me tragically burning to hell, losing with by 200.

Self referential irony (Mitah Obama, I can haz riter nao?)

There once was a man from Vancouver
who needed to find some good teacher letters
He searched high and low but to no avail
Every teacher he met gave him a fail
So he packed up his bag and wrote on this blog, to bitch about all the haters